Elsie Updates: #1

Saturday, March 22, 2014:

I always thought that when I turned eighteen I was an adult. Eighteen-year-old's are adults, don't get me wrong.. but really when you're eighteen you're only considered to be an adult by society.. Now I feel like eighteen-year-old's are still babies. They may gain some responsibilities, but none that are too hard to handle. They might move out & go to college.. but I feel like most eighteen year olds live at home & most of their parents are supporting them financially.. They may have a job but they don't have any real bills except maybe paying for the gas they put in their car, a possible cell-phone payment, or maybe even a car insurance payment.. but usually most parents still pay for a lot of things for their eighteen-year-old's.

Then you finally move out maybe around 20-21.. You experience having to make ends meet.. but you can still (maybe) rely a little bit on your parents & you most likely have a room mate so your monthly rent is probably no more than 300 a month. Again you're growing up but nothing too hard you can't handle. You still have people to rely on. You can still go out & be a kid. Therefore you're somewhat not an adult to me.

Okay now you're married. You feel like such an adult and you have so many more responsibilities... or so it seems. You now pay full rent which is around 500-900 a month.. You just combined an income yes, but you also inherited their debt.. their monthly bills.. & so on. So things seem a little more rough. You definitely feel like you've grown up completely. You feel like "Hey I'm officially an adult!" But you still have time to date your husband.. go on outings. hangout with friends. You still have a social life. You're more of an adult now.. but still not exactly there yet.

Now you have a baby! You're responsible for another human being!! You have to cater to their needs.. Stay up all night. cuddle the cutie & arrange everything from plans with your husband or friends to when you shower around their schedule! Okay you're now OFFICIALLY an adult! Life has changed. Having a baby is the best thing that ever happens to you.. but it is also a super hard task.

I now understand when people say "You change when you have kids." When my Uncle James got married & had a baby I felt like he had changed. He wasn't like he used to be. I felt like when my sister had my niece she changed too. I didn't completely understand why people seemed to change when they had a kid.. But boy do I understand now! It's because you have officially become an adult & grown up completely. You're mature now (In most cases). You don't have time to think about all the things you used to think about when you were just 18.. or single.. or just newly married. Now you have to think about yourself, your spouse, & your baby.

I know this post may sound like I'm complaining or hate being an adult...but that's not true. This post isn't a complaint.. or me hating on being an adult. It is simply to merely to tell you how I look at things differently now. I used to think I was an adult when I was eighteen.. I used to think I was an adult when I moved out.. I used to think I was an adult when I got married...but now I know I wasn't completely an adult until Elsie came into my life. & obviously this is my opinion.. so don't say "No that's not true!" because I'm just saying that's what I think.

(Elsie Stretching)

(Elsie not stretching.. haha)

(Pictures from March 15-March 23)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014:

Today Elsie will not let me put her down!! I'm going nuts! Why won't my baby sleep?? I try to put her down once she falls asleep... but she wakes up right when I lay her in her crib. I can't get anything done! If I put her in the Boba wrap.. she lifts her head up & looks around.. Is that even normal for a newborn?? I thought they weren't supposed to hold their heads up like that!! So if I put her in that I have to hold her head.. allowing me to STILL only do things one handed, so what's the point? I tried putting her in a sling, but she straightens her whole body & makes herself like an unbreakable board. So I can't put her in there because she tenses up & there is no way to make her go in there. So I'm stuck sitting/laying in bed hurting my neck & back so she can sleep on her belly while laying on me. WHY can't I just have 30 minutes to just get SOMETHING done.. or actually lay down for once. I never get to lay down alone. At least it's beginning to feel like that. Yesterday she was SOOO good! She slept for 7 hours straight that night... slept all morning.. only woke up to eat for 15 minutes each time. It was weird & scary because it seemed like she was barely eating. But she was such a happy baby! She barely cried yesterday! Why does she have to have good & bad days... okay I'm done complaining.

(This is from March 24... Elsie slept half the day!)

(Elsie not wanting to sleep anywhere but on mom).

Wednesday, March 26, 2014:

I cannot believe that Elsie was born exactly one month ago today! Time is seriously going too fast! Before I know it she is going to be 10! or 20! I don't want her to grow up.. I want to freeze time! /: is that even possible? ha! (obviously I know it's not). 

Elsie doesn't really have a routine yet. She has good days... & bad days. She will be such a happy, sleepy, good baby! Then the next day she will be a cranky, fussy, needy, not sleepy baby. & those days are super hard!! Sometimes I feel like she might have colic... but then they only consider a baby to be "colicy" if they are fussy for 3 hours straight, at least 3 days in a week, for at least 3 weeks.. & That isn't necessarily true for Elsie. I wouldn't say she stays fussy non stop for 3 hours... or even fussy for 3 days in a week. She just knows what she wants & she wants to be held all day & cuddle with mom. The other day I talked with a lactation specialist about her being fussy & wondered if it really could be the food I ate.. Because pretty soon I'm going to have to eliminate every food because she is fussy when I eat chocolate. (I for sure know that). fussy when I have broccoli, spicey food.. or so it seems. But the lactation specialist told me that she usually doesn't like to tell breastfeeding moms to cut out foods. She believes you can eat whatever you want & just go down the list of soothing the baby if they become fussy.. like swaddling, rocking, bouncing, the baby. & etc.

I guess I'm mostly still just getting used to everything. Once I think I can handle this.. Something else comes up that makes me want to cry. But like my cousin Kayla said "It doesn't get easier, you get stronger". Very wise words. Seriously. It hasn't gotten "easier" but it has gotten easier at being able to handle things I thought I could never handle. Like not sleeping.. or holding Elsie all day & not being able to get anything done, or not cleaning.. or barely being able to shower.. doing things one handed... & so on! (Dee helps me out a lot though I must admit!)

I love love love being a mom, but it definitely is hard work!

(It's kind of blurry but I finally captured a picture of her big smile!!)

Saturday, March 29, 2014:
  I want to make sure I keep updating my blog.. since my life is boring right now, I will just update it with "journal" entrees. & a million of pictures of my beautiful baby (:

Elsie has been pretty good these last couple days (since Tuesday). She has napped during the day & actually slept in her crib every night. (even if she only sleeps 1-2 hours in a row.. it's really nice compared to her sleeping on me all night.. or next to me in bed). But last night she seemed to be in pain. I haven't eaten anything new to upset her tummy.. so I don't really know why she was having a rough night /: She wouldn't sleep in her crib last night so I was stuck holding her all night. Except she did sleep for 30 minutes in her crib. Maybe she does have a problem with dairy products. I had a milk shake last night (& lets be honest dairy products do not always agree with me.. I get flemy & my tummy hurts). I read that if it affects the mom right away it can affect the baby right away, so maybe I need to stay away from dairy.. Ahh.. I don't know I just hate when she is in pain it's not only rough I feel like I'm a horrible person because it's all my fault she is in pain & I don't know what to do about it ): So she just stays in pain. She finally is sleeping on her own right now. That's why I am able to write this right now. Ha! Lets see how long this will last. it's been 30 minutes so far.. hopefully she gives me 30 more minutes so I can get something done!

It's crazy how just when you think you can't handle it any longer.. you all of a sudden get a burst of strength & somehow you're able to pull through. & instead of feeling sorry for yourself you think HEY I can do this! It's hard.. & maybe I would much rather be able to read in silence or clean the house or take a nap.. but I wouldn't trade having Elsie for any of those. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me! The other is being married to my absolute best friend, Dee.. & being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! Wouldn't trade any of those things for a billion dollars!

(Milk drunk.. haha!)

Sunday, March 30, 2014:
I really wanted to go to church today since I haven't been for the last 4 weeks. But I didn't sleep last night.. Plus Elsie would cry the whole time. She hates being in her car seat & I'd rather not have her out where everyone can touch her or want to hold her.. that just gives me anxiety! I guess I won't be going until she has her shots. /: 
.... I don't understand why Elsie has really really really good days.. Where she sleeps so good, she seems happy, she isn't spitting up (that much), & she can be put down. Then for a couple days in a row she needs to be held at all times. She won't sleep anywhere unless it's on me & she is super spitty! I'm starting to think she may be colicky.. maybe she has colic. Maybe it's just a mild form of it. Who knows. All I know is I wish she wouldn't be in pain & I wish I could sleep every night.. but I guess I can't complain because it's not like it's every night that I cannot sleep. It's only on the bad days.

The First 2 Weeks!

Monday, March 3, 2014:
We got to take our little cutie home on Friday afternoon. After being home for a little while Elsie was asleep so I had Dee go to pick up my pain med prescriptions. After he left Elsie woke up! It was my first time alone with her! At the hospital she didn't room with us because she was in the NICU.. so the nurses took care of her! It was scary! Being alone with her.. Yes some "motherly instincts" just come to you.. but there is no baby hand book written for each child. I think I made myself believe I was ready to be a parent.. but honestly, no one is ready! It's probably the hardest thing to do! I know I've only been a parent for a couple of days, but still...it's hard & definitely teaches you to be patient!! Anyway so after Dee left, Elsie woke up. I had to feed her all by myself (I know that sounds weird since I breastfeed her.. but she fights me every time we try!! So I usually had a nurse & Dee supporting me/ helping me out!) It was frustrating. Dee was gone almost 2 hours because my prescription took 45 minutes to be done and he ran a couple of other errands...Since my mom wasn't going to be here until Sunday afternoon I realized there was no way I could handle taking care of her all day by myself so I asked Dee to try to get work off. Luckily he was one step ahead of me & already had someone who would cover for him!!

That night was torture, people warn you before you have a baby that you better get sleep before the baby comes.. or "hope you don't like sleep" & things like that. & although you obviously believe them, you really don't understand until you actually have a baby. Just like before you get married people try to warn you that it isn't easy or whatever.. but you don't realize they're right until you're actually married.. Yeah well I wasn't really expecting to not get any sleep. I slept 15 minutes here & there.. I was exhausted! Yes it was partially my fault because every noise she made I made sure I picked her up. Good thing we had Dee's mom come over Saturday afternoon.. I was able to get a hour nap in! I never thought a one hour nap would feel so good!!

(That's the face she does when she is trying to break out of being swaddled! It's the cutest thing!)

Elsie is a smiley baby!

Friday, March 7, 2014:
Sorry I didn't get to finish writing on Monday.. It's hard finding time to do anything. If she is sleeping I should be sleeping.. or I feel like I need to be doing the dishes, or laundry or eating.. or checking FB /: stupid Facebook.. Anyway, I'm going to try & stay short & simple so I can fill everything in that has happened in the last week.

After Dee's Mom left my Aunt Susan, Uncle Corey, & Lindsey came over. My aunt (She is a nurse) taught me how to swaddle a baby properly!! So Saturday night Elsie actually slept a total of 5 hours at night! It was amazing! Then Sunday my mom came into town. It is nice knowing that I had another person besides Dee that could help me if I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. It has been a very emotional week. Sometimes I just start crying for no reason. I love Elsie & I cannot imagine not having her in my life anymore.. But she is hard work! Dee told me Monday night to never say I don't do anything, because the 1 hour he watched her (my mom & I went grocery shopping) he realized how tough it was taking care of her. Let's just say it was a really nice thing to hear.. you know because of it being an emotional week. Anyway everyday has been an adventure.. there has not really been a routine.. sometimes she sleeps good at night.. sometimes she does not. Sometimes she sleeps for 4 or 5 hours straight during the day (at first it scared me.. but now I realize I need to get her to somehow switch her 4 or 5 hour nap to be at night instead of the afternoon).

Monday March 3 we gave her her first bath.. we meaning I made my mom do it. I don't want to be the cause of her crying ):

 

 It doesn't look like it.. but she hated having a bath!

But she loved when I rubbed lotion on her!

Tuesday March 4 she had her first doctor appt. She did so good! of course it was during her 4 or 5 hour nap, so she slept the whole time pretty much. When they had to draw blood so they could fill 7 circles on a paper with her blood to check for diseases, she only cried for 2 seconds.. The nurse told us we were super lucky to have such a good baby! (: & She met her cousins Harper & Ben for the first time.

Wednesday March 5 Elsie got her newborn pictures done.. & She spent some time with her Aunt Rissy & some more time with her Aunt Megan, & her cousins Harper & Ben. Harper was so cute!

(We were trying to get a picture of Harper kissing Elsie's head.. but every time she would do it, we were too late & she wouldn't do it again.. so this was as good as I could get)

Thursday March 6 The little cutie didn't sleep all night.. It was pretty rough. She would only sleep if I held her.. But I'm still completely in love with her!! Oh & Dee's mom came over Thursday afternoon so she was with her two grandmas!

(These pictures weren't taken on Thursday though.. I don't think we took a picture of both grandmas together..)

Friday March 7 Dee worked today & my mom watched Elsie so I could nap. Having no sleep started to catch up to me & last night Elsie didn't sleep at all. So I actually napped a lot today. I got 2 maybe 2 &  half hours of sleep. It felt good to nap. I also Started a blog post about Elsie's birth. I cannot believe it's been a week since we took her home from the hospital!!

Monday, March 10, 2014:
I am so glad it is Spring break!! My mom left Early Sunday morning.. & yesterday was a really really rough day! If Dee wasn't on Spring break I think I would cry & this week would be so hard!! Elsie didn't sleep at all Saturday night. She was super fussy! & would not let me put her down. Saturday night I ate some chocolate I never had before & I thought maybe that was why she was so fussy. I thought maybe the chocolate bothered her.. she was spitting up more & that made the most sense.. Until Sunday during the day when I went to change her I noticed she had a really sore red bum! poor Elsie ): She was in a lot of pain! She wouldn't sleep at all on Sunday. So I didn't sleep at all Saturday night or get a nap at all on Sunday! It was horrible. Mostly I felt bad for my cutie. Luckily her sore bum is starting to look WAYYY better! We changed the brand of diaper she was wearing back to huggies.. started hosing her down with water instead of using wipes & we used Vaseline instead of that stupid butt paste we were using.. That stuff does not work!! plus she is sleeping better today! & I got 5.5 hours of sleep last night.. 5.5 hour straight! not total! 5.5 hours in a row! All together I got 7 hours of sleep last night!! It was seriously amazing! It was only because she was up all night Saturday night & up all day during the day on Sunday! My poor innocent baby! It makes me want to cry when she is in pain.. Actually I do cry when she is in pain!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014:
Today Elsie is 2 weeks old!! I cannot believe it! It feels like I just woke up to contractions yesterday.. but no it's been 2 weeks! Time is going way to fast! I feel like every year goes faster & faster.. & every milestone, such as graduating high school, getting married, having kids, graduating college, & so on makes time go 2 times faster! I want Elsie to be a newborn forever.. well actually that is not true.. Sometimes I wish she was older just because she is kind of hard to take care of.. She is super demanding! haha.. but most the time (when things seem to be going pretty smoothly) I wish I could freeze time & live in this moment forever! But the inevitable is going to happen, my baby is going to grow up! ):

Yesterday was one of the rough days.. I'm pretty sure Elsie had a tummy ache ): I think when I eat chocolate it upsets her tummy ( I know earlier I wrote that it wasn't the chocolate, it was just her sore bum.. well I'm pretty sure it was a mixture of both that's why she was in so much pain!).. I guess no mini Cadbury eggs for me this Easter season ): oh well I don't like seeing my sweet little innocent baby suffering & not understanding why she is in pain. It breaks my heart! I'm not exactly sure if it's ALL chocolate.. because I've been eating chocolate (a lot actually) since day one of her life.. But the other day I bought some new chocolate I've never had before & that's the only new thing I added to my diet, so that's why I think it's chocolate that made her tummy upset.. I wonder if one kind of brand of chocolate could affect her.. & another brand of chocolate could not affect her at all? I'm scared to test out my theory though.. rough days are not fun! All she wants is to be held all day! She barely naps & it's just hard!

Anyway.. she is doing a lot better today.. as I'm writing this, she is sound asleep! (in her crib!! Lately she has been sleeping in bed with mommy & daddy.. Hey! you got to do what you got to do to get some sleep!!)

Oh! We took Elsie to visit her Grandpa & Grandma Earl on Monday:

Thursday, March 13, 2014:
I tested out my theory last night.. on accident! Ha! I proved that it's just that brand of chocolate that makes her sick! Because she hasn't been fussy or super super needy, & she doesn't have that "I'm in pain" look on her face! Yay! I can still eat chocolate. I will just have to stay away from that brand of chocolate that makes her sick!! It's been 24 hours since I ate the chocolate so I know it's not all chocolate that affects her!! Anyway, today was a good day!

 She totally looks like Dee right here! (:

Friday, March 14, 2014:

I am NEVER eating chocolate AGAIN!! ugh! Last night was horrible. Yeah I made it past the "24 hour mark" but apparently that website that I read that food can affect your milk within 4-24 hours.. was seriously wrong! Elsie wasn't as bad last night as she was when I had that other brand of chocolate.. obviously since it didn't hit her until later. It just makes her gassy.. & she will spit up a lot. I'm not going to eat chocolate for 2 weeks now to double check if that is what is causing her to be so clingy & sick. I didn't sleep at all last night!! She refused to be put down. She would only sleep if I was holding her! Motherhood is hard work! I wanted to cry this morning.. but luckily Elsie FINALLY took a nap in her own bed starting at 1pm & it's 4:15 right now & she is still sleeping. So I got a 3.5 hour nap! (she slept from 11am-12pm but I was holding her when we slept.. so if I don't include that I only got 2.5 hours in a row of sleep). I didn't continue to sleep because I haven't eaten since 10am.. So I had to get up so I could eat /: I hope she starts feeling better! I just realized that when I was pregnant I couldn't eat chocolate until I was in the third trimester.. the smell of it (like cake, & brownies & things like that) would make me sick.. & the thought of any chocolate didnt sound very good.. I wonder if that has anything to do with it..? Oh! & for the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy I got horrible horrible heartburn if I ate it... So I'm kind of sad that chocolate is making her sick.. I haven't really been able to eat it for awhile without it causing sickness.. or pain!! oh well it is what it is.. I just hope she will start feeling better.. poor baby girl!

A picture of here only wanting to sleep in my arms...

& Finally.. her taking a long nap!

That's all for now!