Saturday, March 22, 2014:
I always thought that when I turned eighteen I was an adult. Eighteen-year-old's are adults, don't get me wrong.. but really when you're eighteen you're only considered to be an adult by society.. Now I feel like eighteen-year-old's are still babies. They may gain some responsibilities, but none that are too hard to handle. They might move out & go to college.. but I feel like most eighteen year olds live at home & most of their parents are supporting them financially.. They may have a job but they don't have any real bills except maybe paying for the gas they put in their car, a possible cell-phone payment, or maybe even a car insurance payment.. but usually most parents still pay for a lot of things for their eighteen-year-old's.
Then you finally move out maybe around 20-21.. You experience having to make ends meet.. but you can still (maybe) rely a little bit on your parents & you most likely have a room mate so your monthly rent is probably no more than 300 a month. Again you're growing up but nothing too hard you can't handle. You still have people to rely on. You can still go out & be a kid. Therefore you're somewhat not an adult to me.
Okay now you're married. You feel like such an adult and you have so many more responsibilities... or so it seems. You now pay full rent which is around 500-900 a month.. You just combined an income yes, but you also inherited their debt.. their monthly bills.. & so on. So things seem a little more rough. You definitely feel like you've grown up completely. You feel like "Hey I'm officially an adult!" But you still have time to date your husband.. go on outings. hangout with friends. You still have a social life. You're more of an adult now.. but still not exactly there yet.
Now you have a baby! You're responsible for another human being!! You have to cater to their needs.. Stay up all night. cuddle the cutie & arrange everything from plans with your husband or friends to when you shower around their schedule! Okay you're now OFFICIALLY an adult! Life has changed. Having a baby is the best thing that ever happens to you.. but it is also a super hard task.
I now understand when people say "You change when you have kids." When my Uncle James got married & had a baby I felt like he had changed. He wasn't like he used to be. I felt like when my sister had my niece she changed too. I didn't completely understand why people seemed to change when they had a kid.. But boy do I understand now! It's because you have officially become an adult & grown up completely. You're mature now (In most cases). You don't have time to think about all the things you used to think about when you were just 18.. or single.. or just newly married. Now you have to think about yourself, your spouse, & your baby.
I know this post may sound like I'm complaining or hate being an adult...but that's not true. This post isn't a complaint.. or me hating on being an adult. It is simply to merely to tell you how I look at things differently now. I used to think I was an adult when I was eighteen.. I used to think I was an adult when I moved out.. I used to think I was an adult when I got married...but now I know I wasn't completely an adult until Elsie came into my life. & obviously this is my opinion.. so don't say "No that's not true!" because I'm just saying that's what I think.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014:
Today Elsie will not let me put her down!! I'm going nuts! Why won't my baby sleep?? I try to put her down once she falls asleep... but she wakes up right when I lay her in her crib. I can't get anything done! If I put her in the Boba wrap.. she lifts her head up & looks around.. Is that even normal for a newborn?? I thought they weren't supposed to hold their heads up like that!! So if I put her in that I have to hold her head.. allowing me to STILL only do things one handed, so what's the point? I tried putting her in a sling, but she straightens her whole body & makes herself like an unbreakable board. So I can't put her in there because she tenses up & there is no way to make her go in there. So I'm stuck sitting/laying in bed hurting my neck & back so she can sleep on her belly while laying on me. WHY can't I just have 30 minutes to just get SOMETHING done.. or actually lay down for once. I never get to lay down alone. At least it's beginning to feel like that. Yesterday she was SOOO good! She slept for 7 hours straight that night... slept all morning.. only woke up to eat for 15 minutes each time. It was weird & scary because it seemed like she was barely eating. But she was such a happy baby! She barely cried yesterday! Why does she have to have good & bad days... okay I'm done complaining.
(This is from March 24... Elsie slept half the day!)
(Elsie not wanting to sleep anywhere but on mom).
Wednesday, March 26, 2014:
I cannot believe that Elsie was born exactly one month ago today! Time is seriously going too fast! Before I know it she is going to be 10! or 20! I don't want her to grow up.. I want to freeze time! /: is that even possible? ha! (obviously I know it's not).
Elsie doesn't really have a routine yet. She has good days... & bad days. She will be such a happy, sleepy, good baby! Then the next day she will be a cranky, fussy, needy, not sleepy baby. & those days are super hard!! Sometimes I feel like she might have colic... but then they only consider a baby to be "colicy" if they are fussy for 3 hours straight, at least 3 days in a week, for at least 3 weeks.. & That isn't necessarily true for Elsie. I wouldn't say she stays fussy non stop for 3 hours... or even fussy for 3 days in a week. She just knows what she wants & she wants to be held all day & cuddle with mom. The other day I talked with a lactation specialist about her being fussy & wondered if it really could be the food I ate.. Because pretty soon I'm going to have to eliminate every food because she is fussy when I eat chocolate. (I for sure know that). fussy when I have broccoli, spicey food.. or so it seems. But the lactation specialist told me that she usually doesn't like to tell breastfeeding moms to cut out foods. She believes you can eat whatever you want & just go down the list of soothing the baby if they become fussy.. like swaddling, rocking, bouncing, the baby. & etc.
I guess I'm mostly still just getting used to everything. Once I think I can handle this.. Something else comes up that makes me want to cry. But like my cousin Kayla said "It doesn't get easier, you get stronger". Very wise words. Seriously. It hasn't gotten "easier" but it has gotten easier at being able to handle things I thought I could never handle. Like not sleeping.. or holding Elsie all day & not being able to get anything done, or not cleaning.. or barely being able to shower.. doing things one handed... & so on! (Dee helps me out a lot though I must admit!)
I love love love being a mom, but it definitely is hard work!
Saturday, March 29, 2014:
I want to make sure I keep updating my blog.. since my life is boring right now, I will just update it with "journal" entrees. & a million of pictures of my beautiful baby (:
Elsie has been pretty good these last couple days (since Tuesday). She has napped during the day & actually slept in her crib every night. (even if she only sleeps 1-2 hours in a row.. it's really nice compared to her sleeping on me all night.. or next to me in bed). But last night she seemed to be in pain. I haven't eaten anything new to upset her tummy.. so I don't really know why she was having a rough night /: She wouldn't sleep in her crib last night so I was stuck holding her all night. Except she did sleep for 30 minutes in her crib. Maybe she does have a problem with dairy products. I had a milk shake last night (& lets be honest dairy products do not always agree with me.. I get flemy & my tummy hurts). I read that if it affects the mom right away it can affect the baby right away, so maybe I need to stay away from dairy.. Ahh.. I don't know I just hate when she is in pain it's not only rough I feel like I'm a horrible person because it's all my fault she is in pain & I don't know what to do about it ): So she just stays in pain. She finally is sleeping on her own right now. That's why I am able to write this right now. Ha! Lets see how long this will last. it's been 30 minutes so far.. hopefully she gives me 30 more minutes so I can get something done!
It's crazy how just when you think you can't handle it any longer.. you all of a sudden get a burst of strength & somehow you're able to pull through. & instead of feeling sorry for yourself you think HEY I can do this! It's hard.. & maybe I would much rather be able to read in silence or clean the house or take a nap.. but I wouldn't trade having Elsie for any of those. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me! The other is being married to my absolute best friend, Dee.. & being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! Wouldn't trade any of those things for a billion dollars!
(It's kind of blurry but I finally captured a picture of her big smile!!)
I want to make sure I keep updating my blog.. since my life is boring right now, I will just update it with "journal" entrees. & a million of pictures of my beautiful baby (:
Elsie has been pretty good these last couple days (since Tuesday). She has napped during the day & actually slept in her crib every night. (even if she only sleeps 1-2 hours in a row.. it's really nice compared to her sleeping on me all night.. or next to me in bed). But last night she seemed to be in pain. I haven't eaten anything new to upset her tummy.. so I don't really know why she was having a rough night /: She wouldn't sleep in her crib last night so I was stuck holding her all night. Except she did sleep for 30 minutes in her crib. Maybe she does have a problem with dairy products. I had a milk shake last night (& lets be honest dairy products do not always agree with me.. I get flemy & my tummy hurts). I read that if it affects the mom right away it can affect the baby right away, so maybe I need to stay away from dairy.. Ahh.. I don't know I just hate when she is in pain it's not only rough I feel like I'm a horrible person because it's all my fault she is in pain & I don't know what to do about it ): So she just stays in pain. She finally is sleeping on her own right now. That's why I am able to write this right now. Ha! Lets see how long this will last. it's been 30 minutes so far.. hopefully she gives me 30 more minutes so I can get something done!
It's crazy how just when you think you can't handle it any longer.. you all of a sudden get a burst of strength & somehow you're able to pull through. & instead of feeling sorry for yourself you think HEY I can do this! It's hard.. & maybe I would much rather be able to read in silence or clean the house or take a nap.. but I wouldn't trade having Elsie for any of those. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me! The other is being married to my absolute best friend, Dee.. & being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! Wouldn't trade any of those things for a billion dollars!
(Milk drunk.. haha!)
Sunday, March 30, 2014:
I really wanted to go to church today since I haven't been for the last 4 weeks. But I didn't sleep last night.. Plus Elsie would cry the whole time. She hates being in her car seat & I'd rather not have her out where everyone can touch her or want to hold her.. that just gives me anxiety! I guess I won't be going until she has her shots. /:
.... I don't understand why Elsie has really really really good days.. Where she sleeps so good, she seems happy, she isn't spitting up (that much), & she can be put down. Then for a couple days in a row she needs to be held at all times. She won't sleep anywhere unless it's on me & she is super spitty! I'm starting to think she may be colicky.. maybe she has colic. Maybe it's just a mild form of it. Who knows. All I know is I wish she wouldn't be in pain & I wish I could sleep every night.. but I guess I can't complain because it's not like it's every night that I cannot sleep. It's only on the bad days.
I really wanted to go to church today since I haven't been for the last 4 weeks. But I didn't sleep last night.. Plus Elsie would cry the whole time. She hates being in her car seat & I'd rather not have her out where everyone can touch her or want to hold her.. that just gives me anxiety! I guess I won't be going until she has her shots. /:
.... I don't understand why Elsie has really really really good days.. Where she sleeps so good, she seems happy, she isn't spitting up (that much), & she can be put down. Then for a couple days in a row she needs to be held at all times. She won't sleep anywhere unless it's on me & she is super spitty! I'm starting to think she may be colicky.. maybe she has colic. Maybe it's just a mild form of it. Who knows. All I know is I wish she wouldn't be in pain & I wish I could sleep every night.. but I guess I can't complain because it's not like it's every night that I cannot sleep. It's only on the bad days.
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