The Most Important Things.

Sunday June 1, 2014:

Elsie's baby blessing was today! I was so scared she was going to cry through the whole thing because first off she only slept 6.5 hours last night.. then when I fed her this morning she spit up like crazy.. like really crazy.. seriously she's never spit up so much!! My whole side of the bed was soaking wet, half my pillow was wet, the whole side of me was wet, she was wet.. & I thought, great, maybe she is sick or something!! Then she was cranky until literally a minute before Dee blessed her because she fell asleep! It was the most perfect timing ever!Its weird because somehow I just knew she was going to sleep during the blessing.. it seems like I just always pictured it that way. Plus the night before I said to Dee "Maybe she will sleep during the blessing!" Even though I knew that was a long shot.. but for some reason I subconsciously knew she was going to be asleep, which is weird but oh well!

Today has been perfect! Elsie looked absolutely beautiful & my faith & testimony of the church was strengthened. I feel like for a while there I was in a "spiritual" rut. Where I'm not moving backwards.. but definitely not moving forward either. I've felt like I've been checking things off the list; like scripture study, temple attendance, praying, etc. Because "I know that it is right" instead of doing it because I want to & really enjoying it. I hate when I get like this. It usually means a big trial or something is around the corner. I start to think hey I can handle things on my own. I know what I want. I know what is best for me.. I, I, I, I. Trusting in myself instead of trusting in who I need to be trusting in every day, every hour, every minute.
I just feel like today (& partially yesterday) my eyes have been opened again & I've realized (for what? The millionth time in my life now) that I can't do this alone. I need my savior every hour. I need to do His will not my will. I feel like I've had silent prayers answered the past two days. I've realized people don't just change no matter how badly you want them to. They can only do that themselves with the help of the lord. I've realized I need to learn to bury (& recognize) my "weapons" like the anti-Nephi-Lehi's did. I need to accept that things will happen how they're supposed to happen. Not when & how I want them to happen. I've realized yet again how true this church is. How happy it makes me!! How blessed I am. These last two days I have felt the spirit! I need to get my priorities straight instead of being somewhere in the nothingness. I need to read my scriptures with the same passion I once did, both with my spouse & personally. I need to attend the temple regularly (maybe not weekly but definitely monthly) I need to pray daily not only with my spouse but personally. I need to better myself. Instead of praying to my father in heaven to "help me to be a better person" I need to take action in what I expect help in. 

I know I just keep rattling on, but I feel so peaceful! I've been so angry lately. Maybe I have been for awhile, but I've finally put my finger on it & have laid all my feelings on the table. I know what I need to do now! I know I was scared before, but I know this is only going to make me stronger & help me be able to forgive & move on. I know I can start progressing again once I get over this. Before this weekend I thought so differently. I thought if I did this there had to be a different outcome.. but I realized that the outcome I've hoped & dreamed of is most likely not going to happen. It could take 5 years.. 10 years.. maybe never for the outcome I want.. but at least everything will be out in the open. At least I will finally be able to forgive.. at least I can lose this anger. & at least I know how to bury this "weapon".

I was reminded (again) that the most important things in life are
1. Family.. because they will always be there for you!

2. The church.. it is true! Always will be.
3. Listening.. actually REALLY listening.

& today we were surrounded by family who loves us. We are truly blessed!

Anyway, I didn't mean to go on & on but I feel just so great today! Like I said.. it has been perfect. Elsie's baby blessing was beautiful, we were surrounded by family! We had a delicious "brunch" with my two sisters (Megan & Rissy), our brother-in-law Justin, & our niece and nephew Harper & Ben. We had some friends over for dinner & games. & we spent time with our cute baby. My heart just feels so full! I am so blessed! 

 I love these two! They melt my heart!(:

 

That's all for now!